Seeing Red: Twilight Tortures

With appendicitis in the air, and living with my brother for the time being, I am utterly at the mercy of my well-meaning nieces. So when they suggested a Twilight screening, my only options were to either:

a)agree to watch but fake sleep through it or;
b)run and hide where they cannot find me (difficult when my top speed is roughly 1 step/2 second)

Needless to say, by the time I made up my mind (B), the DVD has already been popped in,the cookies and milk were a-laying and bloody Edward Cullen was trying to stare his way through the screen.

The first time I had to watch it when it was first released, I believe I went in with an open mind. I also went through the nationwide hunt for books 1-4 with pretty good graces. But I'll be damned if I had to sit through another torture session of Mr. Cullen and his posse keeping the movie going with supposed good looks* and molten stares and rubbish Sweet Valley High dialogue mixed with some fangs.

I behaved myself with my nieces of course but whenever Bella started spouting "I want to be with you forever" or the "Never leave my side", I wanted to throw my milo mug at the screen and yelling "What about your life bitch?! No one can get a BA in Love!"

Edward, all 300 years of him with the physical age of 17 was hardly any better. "I've waited all my life for you," says he, "Vomit," says I.

Real people don't talk like that. And if they do,they are:

a)drunk
b)trying to get laid
c)all of the above.

I should have ripped that DVD from the player and burn all the twilight booksI can get my hands on...
...
...
...
... I really need to get back to work. This is not healthy.

*okay, Alice is pretty cute. Did you see her wind up to pitch the baseball?